Reckless (A Second Chance Romance) Page 4

  The spark that had been so Kelly was missing. I couldn’t see even a hint of the flame that had me falling in love with her practically the moment we met. It had been extinguished. Guilt slammed into me like a fist in the solar plexus. I should never have left. Should have stayed, turned down the band, for her. Whether she wanted me to or not.

  I cocked my head as I watched her exit the little space, wondering if the spark that lit the Kelly I once knew was still in there at all, buried deep.

  When the room quieted, and Mom’s eyes closed, my mind automatically went to my schedule, twenty more dates lined up. For the first time since I’d signed the contract with the label, I felt torn. My rock star life was reaching out, pulling me back after only hours of being absent. But for now, I wanted to stay in New Hope.

  With Mom, and with Kelly too.

  A few minutes later, in walked a doctor, followed by a red-eyed Kelly.

  My stomach turned over as the doctor addressed Mom by name, and it was obvious that he knew her well. And that she wasn’t happy to see him.

  “Babs,” he said in an entirely too familiar way. “You know what you have to do. It’s time.”

  I frowned. “Time for what?” And why was her physician addressing her by her first name, as if they met on a regular basis?

  “Tom, no.” Mom shook her head and stared down at the thin hospital blanket.

  Panic shot through me. Mom wasn’t one to shy away from hard subjects, and that fact had me immediately on edge.

  “You need to tell him. He deserves to know.”

  “If I don’t want to, you can’t.” Her chin shot up, and anger burst into her eyes, burning out the dullness that’d had me on alert since I arrived. “I’ll sue your ass if you invade my privacy.”

  He let out a long sigh. “Babs…”

  I cleared my throat and stuck out my hand. “Doctor…”

  The doctor took my hand, gave it a strong shake. “Tom Wilson. Your mother and I went to high school together. She was a firecracker now and pa…” He snapped his mouth shut, turned more than a little bit pink, then cleared his throat. “This hasn’t tamped her down a bit.”

  A long sigh came from the bed. “Okay,” she said in a tiny voice that sounded nothing like her. She patted the bed next to her. “Come, Gage, sit down.”

  I swallowed, fear like I’d never known making my movements stiff. But I sat and waited. Waited for the words that I knew would change my world as I knew it. “Just tell me.”

  “Gage, I didn’t want to tell you, didn’t want to put a black mark on the way your life is going, but I suppose I have no choice. I have pancreatic cancer. The prognosis, it’s not good.”

  Dr. Wilson jumped in, explaining that the cancer had spread too far to be treatable, but that my mother would be made comfortable as the disease ate her alive. His words droned on and on, swimming violently as the coffee I’d guzzled this morning threatened to come back up. I’d known it wasn’t going to be good, but I never expected anything this bad. This wasn’t something that could be cured with a few pills or even aggressive treatment. According to the doctor, this was something that could…no, would take her life.

  Oh God, take her life.

  And soon.

  Death was something that had never touched anyone close to me other than Kelly’s family. Even when Kelly’s dad and brother had been taken, I had distanced myself from it, throwing myself into rehearsing with my new band and writing songs to expel my grief and disbelief. Now, I only had my mom, and I was being told she was going to be taken from me.

  And Mom had known, had apparently taken the news in stride. She didn’t even bat an eyelid but gave me a little smile and squeezed my hand. It hit me that she’d accepted it. But I couldn’t, wouldn’t just let this happen.

  Pancreatic cancer was a killer, but I wouldn’t let it kill my mother.

  “Gage?” she said in a low mom voice.

  I ground my teeth together and did what I did best, gave an order. “I need everyone to leave the room.”

  4

  Kelly

  The next morning, I spent far too long getting ready for work. My style was practical, easy, and on a normal morning, it took me ten minutes to get ready, including a shower. I barely ever bothered to put on makeup because it’d be gone halfway into a shift.

  But today I brushed on some pale blue eyeshadow to make my eyes sparkle and pop. Then a hint of mascara, a little blush on my cheeks, a swipe of gloss on my lips. Just a little bit. I couldn’t help myself, knowing that I could run into Gage again.

  Maybe he’s gone. Perhaps he’s already left to go back on tour.

  But I knew better. Before he’d moved to New York, he and his mom had been really close. He would never leave her with this kind of diagnosis. At least I didn’t think he would.

  Well, we would see. He’d certainly left New Hope behind fast enough when he got his chance. Not that I could blame him. Plus, famous people like him didn’t have the time for a personal life. Or maybe preferred not to look back.

  I was going to be late, but I went through my morning task of feeding Snow White, a fluffy Persian cat who’d been unlucky enough to have a run-in with a kid out to do some target practice. She recovered from the arrow but still had a limp from the unfortunate entry near her hip. That didn’t stop her from primping herself both before and after her morning meal. After all, she had Prince Charming to impress, an Australian Shepherd mix whose only affliction was a severe lack of smarts.

  After dishing out their breakfast, I let Prince out in the large backyard that was the best feature of my tiny two-bedroom house. There were the rabbits to feed in their pen, seven of them, luckily, or I would have had to be more creative. Doc, Dopey, Bashful, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, and Happy all perked up their noses when they heard the screen door slap behind me. Out of their hutch hopped Queen, the golden-colored chicken with one leg. The rabbits followed her like she was royalty, and who deigned to allow them to surround her in a rabbit snuggle for naps.

  I doled out their kibble and corn, stroked their silky heads, then left Prince out to guard them as I left to make my daily stop at Mom’s. I was going to be late now thanks to my primping, but I needed to check in on her and drop off the paper I picked up for her on my way.

  “How are you?” Her sharp, worried eyes assessed me from the kitchen table where she blew on a steaming mug of coffee. Her words were like a punch to the gut. She knew he was here. We never asked each other how the other fared, because after losing half your family, how good could you be? “I heard the rock star returns.”

  The sole of my foot caught on the tile floor, but I recovered. “His mom is ill.”

  “Yes, I know. Maybe you should take the day off.” She frowned, having noticed the makeup.

  “It’s fine, Mom. He’s here for Babs and will be gone as soon as he can get out.” I turned for the side door. “I have to get to work.”

  “He would have taken you with him.”

  My hand froze on the doorknob, and it took me a second to be able to breathe after my heart lurched into my throat. “I wouldn’t have gone,” I lied.

  I opened the door, stopping again when she said, “Thank you for bringing me the paper, Kelly, but it isn’t necessary.”

  “Mom, your place is on the way to the hospital. It’s fine. It’s no trouble.”

  I forced a smile and looked back at her as she nodded slowly. “Well, it gives me something to do…”

  Once upon a time, in the land of before, Mom had a job she loved working at the local YMCA at the reception desk. By the time she got to a place where she felt like she could go back to work—not that I was convinced of her recovery—her position had been filled, and there really wasn’t anything else that sparked her interest.

  Thankfully, Dad had left enough life insurance money to keep her going, but her days were long and lonely. It was my job now, as her only surviving child, to ensure she had what she needed to get her through. Even if it was only the local newspaper.

  “Is Babs bad off?”

  I wanted so badly to tell her, but privacy laws must be upheld. “I-I can’t really talk about it. You should go see her. Soon.”

  Mom’s eyes zeroed in on me, and she let out a little airy, “Oh.” Her expression took on a faraway look, and I wondered if she could handle Babs passing on. They’d been pretty good friends when they were younger. “I’ll try to do that. And I’ll take her something to do while she’s in the hospital.”

  “Okay, that’s nice.” I smiled, encouraged to know that the news had spurred her into action instead of depression. “I’ll see you soon.”

  “See you, Kelly. Oh, and you look really nice today.”

  I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as a strange sense of self-consciousness shot through me. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll try to stop by and see you later on.”

  “If you have other plans, that’s okay,” she hollered after me as I went out the door.

  I tried to keep my focus on the road, to not let my mind drift back to yesterday and Gage. I swear my heart hadn’t stopped racing, my hands hadn’t stopped shaking since I ran into him in the ER. I was the woman who was the coolest in the room during an emergency, the one who could detach herself from the pain and misery of a patient and do what needed to be done in the moment. I didn’t have trembling hands, ever.

  I had trembling hands now.

  “I’m acting like a kindergartener who just got kissed by a boy,” I grumbled. “Stop it.”

  I’d barely made it into the four-story hospital when Millie swooped down on me and gripped my arm. “Oh, thank God you’re here. Gage Strickland is on the third floor, and he’s really freaking out.” Millie pulled me toward the elevator. “His mom says you know him, and since he’s some kind of local celebrity, we thought it best—”

  “Millie.” I curled my fingers tightly around her arm, trying to detach her. “That’s him.”

  “Who?” She squeezed my hand when we neared our destination and could hear shouting even through the solid metal elevator doors.

  “Gage.” I lowered my voice so I couldn’t be overheard. “Gage Strickland. It’s him.”

  She followed my line of sight as the doors swung open. “Who?” Recognition hit, and she gasped loudly. “Mr. Rock Star? The band you were going to run off with…”

  I stepped off the elevator, eyeing Gage standing in front of the nurse’s station shouting at one of the doctors. He turned and looked at me, his eyes brimming with determination, and the last seven years melted away. I was a naïve sixteen-year-old girl again, the girl who had it all—before it was stripped away in one fell swoop. My heart thundered, my stomach did flip-flops, my throat ran as dry as cotton wool. I wanted to reach out and grab on to him, never let him go this time, but of course, I couldn’t. I’d pushed him away, and there was no coming back from that now.

  Gage’s eyes locked with mine, the green dragging me in, reminding me what it had been like when he’d made my heart bloom like a flower. A shock expression mixed with familiarity crossed his face but was gone in a breath, displeasure replacing whatever it was I had glimpsed.

  Millie whispered into my ear from behind, “Ooh, he’s hot. You’re gonna rekindle that, right?” I’d only known Millie for about six months now and often forgot that she’d only moved to New Hope last summer. She didn’t yet know all this town’s secrets.

  I almost laughed but managed to stop myself just in time. This was not the time or place. This moment had nothing to do with me or Gage.

  “No.” When had I become such a blatant liar? “I don’t even think about him anymore. Not like that.”

  Millie paused for a beat. “I imagine you’d have to tell yourself that. I bet all his songs are about you. Wouldn’t that be so romantic?”

  “Maybe a few of the first ones, but we moved on a long time ago.” Just the thought of the song he wrote for me nearly had my knees buckling. It was the reason I didn’t listen to the radio. “Now, I’m sure he has a supermodel on his arm every night.”

  “Well, he’s a hell of a lot better already than that last one of yours.”

  I cringed. From the moment I began dating again, five years after my family was ripped to shreds and Gage left, it’d been a string of disasters. So I’d given up dating. I had my mother to take care of, anyway, and a furry melee at home to keep me company.

  When I didn’t say anything, only stood there, Gage turned away, glared at the doctor, then strode down the hall.

  “I don’t think your past history matters right now. That’s a man in pain.”

  My eyes filled with tears at Millie’s words. Gage was going through what I had, only in slow motion. He was fighting the knowledge that he was about to be forced to watch his mother die.

  At least he would be that lucky, the jealous side of me said. Horrified that I was resentful because he’d have time to say goodbye and I hadn’t, I shook off the envy.

  “Cover for me?” I asked Millie, and she nodded.

  I took a shaky step forward, darts of anxiety bolting through me. This was Gage, the boy I’d nearly given my virginity to. He’d been that important to me.

  He’d stopped at the end of a dead-end hall and stood gazing out the window. I reached out a trembling hand and touched his arm, and Gage jumped as if my fingers had shot fire. When his eyes met mine, there was a tornado ripping through his gaze. I couldn’t remember ever seeing him so distraught.

  The large ball of fear that had lodged itself in my throat dissolved in the face of Gage’s pain.

  “Gage, what’s happened?” I kept my voice soft, and though I knew what the problem must be in general, the best thing for him was to talk about it.

  “What’s happened?” He dragged his fingers through his mussed hair and began to pace the narrow hall. “What’s happened? My mom is sick. So sick that she isn’t going to make it. She’s going to die in less than a month, probably,” he said, dragging out the vowel as tears rose in his eyes. “Okay? Is that what you want to hear?” He glared at me and rubbed a hand over his face.

  I winced under the accusation. “No, of course not.”

  “Well, she is, and it’s all because she’s so fucking stubborn.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and stared down at the floor, gulping in breath after breath. “She didn’t get herself checked out soon enough because she doesn’t ever want to admit that she’s not superwoman. She’s going to die because she didn’t want to see the doctor because she’s so fucking strong all the time that she never needs a checkup like a normal person. How fucked up is that? And now I’m the one who has to watch her die, and it’s like she doesn’t even care! She’s actually almost chipper about it.”

  In a flurry of movement, he whirled until he was facing me, the golden flecks mixed among the green in his irises throwing sparks. “Do you know what she actually said to me?”

  Witnessing Gage so emotional like this took my breath away, and I struggled for a second to get enough oxygen to respond, “What?”

  “She actually told me, ‘you’re an adult now with your own life,’ as if that’s going to make this any better.”

  “I don’t think…Gage, I know your mom is probably only trying to help you—”

  He pointed his finger at my face. “No! Don’t you dare stick up for her. She’s the one in the wrong here.”

  His wild eyes dared me to argue, and my chest burned, the words I wanted to say rumbling up my throat before I realized this man was a stranger. Once upon a time, I would’ve known exactly what to say to calm him down. The words would’ve come naturally to me, but that was back when I knew Gage Strickland as well as I knew myself.

  Before.

  Now, I didn’t know anything about him. I didn’t exactly try to keep up with him in the media, but it was unavoidable. Especially in New Hope, where everyone was so proud of their hometown legend. But the man in the media wasn’t the boy I knew.

  “I’m sorry…sorry that all of this has happened…”

  I tried to touch him again since I knew that a human touch at a time like this was a balm, even if it backfired on me. But he pulled away quickly. It seemed he couldn’t stand me touching him at all.

  “Why, Kelly?” Tears welled again, making the green in his eyes gleam like freshly dewed grass. “Why didn’t she get help? Why did she have to be so stubborn and wait until the last minute? Now it’s too late.”

  “I wish I had an answer for you. I’m just so sorry about it.” I stepped back because, suddenly, I couldn’t stand to have him so close to me. But I couldn’t bear to leave his presence. “Do you want to come for a walk with me? There’s a really nice garden area outside.”

  He met my gaze. “Don’t you have work to do?”

  There was such a desperation in his eyes, I wouldn’t have been able to ignore it even if I was the unfeeling shell of a person I’d tried to become after that day. Plus, Millie’d made it clear that my fellow employees wanted me to calm him down. I could take time out for that.

  “It’s fine, don’t worry about that.” I held out my arm to him, offering a hoop for him to link his through when it hit me…that was something we used to do way back when. It wasn’t really appropriate now. He was the family member of a patient and I, the nurse. I let my arm drop and gestured toward the exit instead.

  “You okay?” Millie mouthed at me as we walked past the nurses’ station. I nodded and gave her a thumbs-up signal behind my back.

  “Least the sun’s out,” Gage grumbled, kicking a stray stone along the ground as we made our way between the winter ravaged bushes that lined the path.

  “Yeah, it’ll be warming up soon.” I didn’t know what else to say. Our conversation remained stilted, the atmosphere dripping with awkwardness. Every moment we hadn’t been in one another’s lives seemed to swim uncomfortably around us.